Promiscuous Bears

There is always an awkward moment, when watching any nature show, during which two animals..... mate.

Now, it is hardly as comical as that creepo in the movie Dodgeball, who says to the sexy bank lady...

"We should mate..... date."

Back in seventh grade everyone would awkwardly laugh and shuffle papers around as if each student simultaneously remembered they needed to make a note of that very important appointment/meeting/date they had. In real life though, for fellow nerds who secretly enjoy watching shows like Wild Russia, that unavoidable mating scene can't be handled the same as when we were 13.

Tonight the horny bears in Russia were getting it on like it was their job. The narrator kindly added to the event by commenting that female bears will have multiple partners to make sure they get knocked up. If the bears were smarter, you'd think they would find the biggest and best male and go at it multiple times; no, these frisky ladies want to see what else is out there. And so the question has to be raised: how do you deal with mating scenes in a dating situation? I mean, it's not like we women are out there getting as much action as those female bears, and it is unlikely that many of us watch red beetles getting it on and feel the need to get the romantic mood going. What do you do? Do you sit there and watch, or is that the convenient water break and potty time? If that is what you do, then it is obvious you aren't comfortable with sex. But then if you make a comment like

"Ha, that female bear booked it after, she probably wasn't satisfied, typical." then you sound like a jerk who has bad sex. Or just a jerk who judges bears.

Either way, I feel there should be a go to rule for avoiding awkward sex scenes, either animal or human. Perhaps we should make a standard rule that when the time comes, you simply smile and say "Good for them. Now we won't have an issue with bears going extinct. I was very concerned about that and was considering joining PETA blah blah blah." Then you can jump off into a conversation about how PETA is kind of a joke and that you are a person who enjoys eating tasty animals. Either way, I do recommend that, when the narrator says male bears will often eat cubs, you avoid saying

"EW. What if humans did that....."

Because I promise you, even your sister will think you are gross, and your date will probably be booking it to the door. Kind of like the female bears scarring off to find a new baby daddy.