HA.
HAHAHAHA.
And in December 2012 we are going to die because the Mayans ran out of room on their calendar.
Really now though, any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow and be made into a nice asphalt pancake and there is just as much of a chance of that happening as there is of Jesus deciding to pop on down and massacre us. So please, because Jesus died on the cross to save us from sin, don't forget that if He had showed up the other day, He wouldn't have left us all behind like "Oh yo, no biggie but I really just hung on the cross for fun because I was pretty bored one day, so you are all stuck here, sucks for you!" No. No. No.
This past weekend I was busy not being raptured at my friend April's wedding. It was one of those weekends where everything is so perfect and so radiant that you can't help but be so positive that God has a divine plan. Sometimes in the midst of life I forget that all those values I have aimed for, all those times I said no or walked away from a bad relationship, they seem to fall aside like poor decisions. As if settling would have at least mean someone, instead of another night of falling asleep wondering how I ended up being alone. But then there are those days, those rare wonderful days when love can't be denied. Not the kind of love that fades or that isn't worth waiting for. The kind of love that sets your heart on fire and forces you to believe in things you had given up as a little girl. Maybe that love has not arrived yet; for me it certainly has not. That makes it so easy to forget, to think of the alternatives like a hot hook up or a singleness pact for a year. But those days, those are the ones that snap you back. That make you remember that the hurt and the questions and the doubt will someday be thrown aside because you will have found that one great love. Normally this is when I would say something like, at least, that is what I hope. But today I can say that is what I know.
April was one of my closest confidants last year. She is 24 and was (and still is) the closest thing I have to a big sister. On the days when I had no idea what I was doing with my life, she was the one saying God had that under control. Not to mention she has completely lived her faith without boasting, preaching or lecturing. Just true peaceful living. And that is what I want. It was in February that she told me she was talking to a guy named Ryan who lived out West and that her heart was on fire. After two weeks of Skyping, following their mutual friend telling Ryan he needed to talk to her, she knew. Now, in true Marilyn Monroe form we all know "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." so there was the certain level of doubt. He flew out over Valentine's weekend, and that was it. Bing Bang Boom that's how weddings are planned. 18 months later we were in Salt Lake City watching them dance and shove cake in eachother's face.
Between cooking dinners, trying not to fail my calculus class, and biking around in the rain it has been so easy to forget about love; I feel like life whirls around me at some ungodly speed and grasping even small moments to live is difficult. Live in the sense of enjoying the people in your life, spending time in the sun, or reading a book. Not the living like we do it, like we are stuck on fast forward and can't take five seconds of our day to say "Hi" to a person on campus or take a chance on love. At the wedding I talked to a woman named Beth who used to run the international side of Proctor and Gamble. Literally like head honcho bust your ball business woman. She was a tad on the boozy side, and was telling me how much her twenty year old son resented her for the fact that she worked so much when he was growing up but now that she is retired she gets to spend time being a stay at home mom for his 11 year old brother. I asked her if she would do it again, and her main advice was that you work at 150% but you realize that at the end of the day, you don't want to go home to your job. So make sure you take time for the people who matter. Be it your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancée or your family, just make that a priority.
I left the weekend with a huge sense of realignment, as if my brain/heart went to the chiropractor. How sad is it to go through life terrified of love or hurt, and then end up missing out on all the wonderful moments that happen when we stop worrying so much about the next grade we will get or our next paycheck. And on top of that, how dull would life be if we spent all our time worrying and stressing out, as opposed to checking work at the door and letting ourselves just live a little. At the end of the day all we really want is that love that is "the one." Where you don't even know why or how but it happens. And until then I think we need to just fall in love with as many people and things as we can so that each day is absolutely bursting with beauty and life, because if not, what do we have left?
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